In Which I Endorse Relationship Time-Outs

Sixteen years of living with my baby-daddy, I learned that there is no *secret* to staying together. There is only a lot of hardwork and most of all, the willingness to do that work.

This article ---  Forget sex, the secret to a long-lasting relationship is space --- suggests one tip, though.

I don't necessarily agree that this is the *only* recipe for a good relationship. Not every recipe works. No tip is one-size-fits-all.

But I did learn, not too long ago, that you do need the time to be by yourself, so that you can always give your best in any relationship.

Often, couples forget who they are when they get married. Women are especially vulnerable to morphing into roles to fulfill duties --- mom, wife, errand girl, cook, backscratcher, laundry lady, stylist, financial adviser, driver, tutor, superwoman and so on. Our natural tendency to nurture is often taken to mean that we have to put our husband and kids first before ourselves.

I think this notion is dangerously part of the reason why many marriages crumble and many women's spirits break down.

I used to read this mom blog that kept stressing on the importance of having a "me-time"; of taking a time-out from her husband and three kids. I never really got that before. The concept was alien to me since I've always prided myself in being hands-on with everything concerning my family. I was supposed to be SuperMom and Wonder Wife, right?

Only, resentment has been eating its way into my own relationship with my partner. Years of putting up with each other's crap became a chore, when it shouldn't be the case. It came to a point where we got too tired of making the relationship work.

Turns out, I wasn't really happy with the wife/mother role that society's standards conventionally assigned to me.  I had piles and piles of resentments. And my husband, among other things, wasn't happy I was turning into this arrogant bitch with my baggage of resentments. He checked out of Resentment Hotel, where I was booked at the penthouse.

In making sure that my family's needs were met, I forgot I also have needs that can't be fulfilled by just doing my role as a mom and wife. It struck me that the only way I can become a better wife and mother is if I become a better person first. And I can't be a better person if I equate happiness with being wife and mother *alone*.

Women, forget conventions!  There is more to you than that!

Issues in our relationship still spring surprises now and then and we still struggle through it. But I'd like to believe that we've become reasonable, happier and more tolerable people to live with, since giving each other space, allowing us to take little journeys of self-discovery.