Sleeping Together

There is this study done by a relationship psychologist in the UK that outlines a couple's relationship status based on the way they sleep together.  It has always bothered me why scientists have to spend $$$ on useless studies like these,  even if they are funded by corporations. But when a woman has to sleep in a "in star fish position with man hanging off the bed", I don't think any couple needs scientific proof that something is wrong with the relationship. Right?

First of all...star fish position while sleeping? How does one do that? Would you have to stretch both your arms and legs all the way? I don't know about you but I prefer to curl my body in a ball when I sleep. Starfish position just sounds uncomfortable. And stiff.

Secondly, I have this insane image of my partner "hanging off the bed"... like he's falling off a cliff. The image is not soothing. It's comical. And I cannot sleep with an image like that because it's just too funny.

Here's what the study found out, in brief:

Click on this ^ photo for a bigger resolution
From Daily UK

Just curious...where does yours fall? And does it confirm something about your relationship?

Unfortunately, this study doesn't have any data on sleeping with dogs on the bed. I wonder what scientists have to say when we sleep with our backs to each other, while cuddling our favorite dogs separately...

In Which I Endorse Relationship Time-Outs

Sixteen years of living with my baby-daddy, I learned that there is no *secret* to staying together. There is only a lot of hardwork and most of all, the willingness to do that work.

This article ---  Forget sex, the secret to a long-lasting relationship is space --- suggests one tip, though.

I don't necessarily agree that this is the *only* recipe for a good relationship. Not every recipe works. No tip is one-size-fits-all.

But I did learn, not too long ago, that you do need the time to be by yourself, so that you can always give your best in any relationship.

Often, couples forget who they are when they get married. Women are especially vulnerable to morphing into roles to fulfill duties --- mom, wife, errand girl, cook, backscratcher, laundry lady, stylist, financial adviser, driver, tutor, superwoman and so on. Our natural tendency to nurture is often taken to mean that we have to put our husband and kids first before ourselves.

I think this notion is dangerously part of the reason why many marriages crumble and many women's spirits break down.

I used to read this mom blog that kept stressing on the importance of having a "me-time"; of taking a time-out from her husband and three kids. I never really got that before. The concept was alien to me since I've always prided myself in being hands-on with everything concerning my family. I was supposed to be SuperMom and Wonder Wife, right?

Only, resentment has been eating its way into my own relationship with my partner. Years of putting up with each other's crap became a chore, when it shouldn't be the case. It came to a point where we got too tired of making the relationship work.

Turns out, I wasn't really happy with the wife/mother role that society's standards conventionally assigned to me.  I had piles and piles of resentments. And my husband, among other things, wasn't happy I was turning into this arrogant bitch with my baggage of resentments. He checked out of Resentment Hotel, where I was booked at the penthouse.

In making sure that my family's needs were met, I forgot I also have needs that can't be fulfilled by just doing my role as a mom and wife. It struck me that the only way I can become a better wife and mother is if I become a better person first. And I can't be a better person if I equate happiness with being wife and mother *alone*.

Women, forget conventions!  There is more to you than that!

Issues in our relationship still spring surprises now and then and we still struggle through it. But I'd like to believe that we've become reasonable, happier and more tolerable people to live with, since giving each other space, allowing us to take little journeys of self-discovery.

Icing On the Cake

Who would imagine a fairy tale wedding like this could still happen in 2012?

Carmina ties knot with Zoren in surprise wedding | via the Inquirer

I'm normally not a fan of lavish showbiz wedding ceremonies, or weddings in general. But the one Zoren gifted his bride and partner of 12 years trumps any high profile weddings I've seen of late. He's set the bar for the men, alright.

Photo from: WedSpeak
(I like this candid shot, btw!)

Meanwhile, women everywhere in these islands will never forget this wedding. And when spoken about it several years down the line, I'm pretty sure it will still elicit a collective swoon and sigh from the female population.

These men, however, don't get it:

As it is, it's tough to keep a relationship going for 12 years. Tougher still, when you are working in the entertainment industry and when there are kids involved. Normally, the odds are against the relationship surviving, right? So, to see this man pour all his efforts into pulling this wedding caper; to see the couple behave like the actual newly-weds that they should've been a decade ago, is so admirable.

What women saw was not just about romance. This was a celebration of real love and committment; of a relationship that thrives despite the odds.

The fairy tale wedding, really, was just the icing on the cake. Beautifully planned and executed as it was.