In Which I Endorse Relationship Time-Outs

Sixteen years of living with my baby-daddy, I learned that there is no *secret* to staying together. There is only a lot of hardwork and most of all, the willingness to do that work.

This article ---  Forget sex, the secret to a long-lasting relationship is space --- suggests one tip, though.

I don't necessarily agree that this is the *only* recipe for a good relationship. Not every recipe works. No tip is one-size-fits-all.

But I did learn, not too long ago, that you do need the time to be by yourself, so that you can always give your best in any relationship.

Often, couples forget who they are when they get married. Women are especially vulnerable to morphing into roles to fulfill duties --- mom, wife, errand girl, cook, backscratcher, laundry lady, stylist, financial adviser, driver, tutor, superwoman and so on. Our natural tendency to nurture is often taken to mean that we have to put our husband and kids first before ourselves.

I think this notion is dangerously part of the reason why many marriages crumble and many women's spirits break down.

I used to read this mom blog that kept stressing on the importance of having a "me-time"; of taking a time-out from her husband and three kids. I never really got that before. The concept was alien to me since I've always prided myself in being hands-on with everything concerning my family. I was supposed to be SuperMom and Wonder Wife, right?

Only, resentment has been eating its way into my own relationship with my partner. Years of putting up with each other's crap became a chore, when it shouldn't be the case. It came to a point where we got too tired of making the relationship work.

Turns out, I wasn't really happy with the wife/mother role that society's standards conventionally assigned to me.  I had piles and piles of resentments. And my husband, among other things, wasn't happy I was turning into this arrogant bitch with my baggage of resentments. He checked out of Resentment Hotel, where I was booked at the penthouse.

In making sure that my family's needs were met, I forgot I also have needs that can't be fulfilled by just doing my role as a mom and wife. It struck me that the only way I can become a better wife and mother is if I become a better person first. And I can't be a better person if I equate happiness with being wife and mother *alone*.

Women, forget conventions!  There is more to you than that!

Issues in our relationship still spring surprises now and then and we still struggle through it. But I'd like to believe that we've become reasonable, happier and more tolerable people to live with, since giving each other space, allowing us to take little journeys of self-discovery.

This Is Where I Rant About Having Dogs. No Judging!

This was true for me before: I'd rather have dogs than babies. For many reasons, like having endured a long and hard labor with my first-born, or economics, I thought that raising babies would be more challenging and I didn't think we would still enjoy going through all that.

Don't get me wrong. I used to dream of raising five kids. I had their full names picked in college. My main ambition in life was to become a stay-at-home mom, tend to cute little kids, cook, bake, clean the house (check! check! check!), just like the grandmother who raised me.

But sometime ago, when the thought of extending the family came up, I negated the idea immediately. My reasons were pretty simple, if not petty:

• Dogs are low maintenance.
• Dogs will never go to school. So, the hubs and I don't have to worry about college tuition.
• Dogs will never grow up, unlike babies. Who will decide that, by the time they're teenagers, Mom is not the center of their world anymore. 

We set our sights on getting a Jack Russell, as influenced by a favorite TV show. Then one Jack Russell became two, because we didn't want the new dog baby to be lonely.

And then they bred.  And then suddenly, we had 7 of them running around the house --- two females, five males. And then, foolishly, we decided to keep them all.

Here's the thing about Jack Russells, as I've read in books when we had the first one: it's a bad, bad idea to keep 3 of the males in a small house.  They're highly-strung and they will need to exhaust all that energy. If we lived in a farm, it wouldn't be such a problem coz they can run free and keep themselves busy all the time.

But because we don't own a farmhouse with a vast backyad, and because I'm such a know-it-all, I didn't believe what the book said. 5 boys? Pfft! How hard can that be? I've had countless dogs in my childhood. I know what I'm in for!

Fast forward three years later and I'm slowly re-assessing my thoughts on babies vs. our dogs.

Seven Jack Russells? Soooooooooooooooooo NOT low maintenance!

• Babies can be toilet-trained. Dogs can, but I've got two or three in the pack that just wouldn't want to be taught. We really need to clean up after them. Clean up more than usual. The other week I also discovered that one of the girls pees on my son's bed, if his room is open and no one is watching. What the hell?! I thought she knows her spot by now?? 
• Babies learn to be civilized by going to school. They pick up social graces. Dogs can get obedience training. But without reinforcement, they go back to being brutes. They are wired that way. There are days when I just do not have the energy to reinforce or if I leave it to others to do that, the dogs will not want to follow. Plus, with seven of these high-energy Jack Russells in one roof together, with their personalities clashing? A riot can happen at any time. It's instinct, since anything can set them off.
• Babies grow up to live their own lives. By the time they're adults, parents can enjoy their own lives in retirement. Our dogs will FOREVER be babies relying on someone else to tend to them. And that's usually me. Dang it! I would be 60, but I would still have babies. 

It is hard being a mom. I learned that in all 15 years and counting.

It is a million times harder to become a dog mom of seven. I learned that in less than 3 years.

Dogs, like babies, can be awfully jealous, attention-seeking and selfish. When you're having a bad day, they can either perk you up or suck whatever life is left from you. In my case? Seven lives out of me.

On the other hand, dogs do give unconditional love and their loyalty is so intact. Hugging seven of them can be a total stress reliever.  I could stay with them on the floor for hours, just scratching their bellies. It's monumentary bliss I relish. Until one of them starts to demand for attention again.

Houston, We Have A Body Image Problem!

Society has a lot of issues with body image, even mannequins aren't eating right!

For instance, this mannequin was spotted in a GAP store in London. Its leg is so skinny, I'm not even sure if they're attracting buyers for those jeans. Would you wanna look that thin in those? Bird-legs are scary-looking.

Sidenote: GAP jeans, especially for women, aren't the most flattering pieces to wear. The way it fits is always problematic, no matter what body type. AVOID at all cost!

Photo from this site.

I don't know which store this mannequin is from. But other than being huge, this big guy's hands are freakishly disproportioned!  Also, his shoulders are so broad that his head looks small; while his feet are small because his cankles are so bloated.

I'm getting a headache trying to process what is wrong with this image. It's not that I'm bothered there's a plus-size mannequin in existence. It's more because...this frame doesn't seem to be anatomically possible. I know it's only a "model", but...at least get it right, right?

Photo from Reddit.

Here's how he looks, all dressed up, ready to mingle at the 'hood: 

Photo from this site.

Is it just me, or does he not look like a plus-size version of Channing Tatum? :D

Channing Tatum. Perfect body.

I see the attempt in trying to be diversified. After all, only a small percentage of society is built with perfect bodies and realistically, a bigger portion of the world is now obese. Although I don't understand why those GAP mannequins even exist. Do you?

Consumerism and aggressive marketing campaign, however, has put a lot of emphasis on body image. It's pounded on us everyday with countless of blog posts, media, billboards, print ads and TV commericals everywhere telling us how we're supposed to look.  A growing number of young kids are too conscious of this, it's affecting their self-esteem. And that is sad.

We see campaigns to raise awareness for different causes: bullying, gender-equality, animal rights, [insert whatever disease here]...but where is the noise for the campaign for body confidence and self-image? This is the kind of social problem we've shoved under the rug, unfortunately.

Diet Tip: This Is How You Should Portion Food? NO WAY.

One of the downsides to aging (ahuhuhu!) is making an effort to eat right and healthy. I did not used to like veggies before and I gorged on a lot of junk food. But my body has been sending me signals this year, with my hormones acting up big time.

What I learned from observing what my body is going through is that, when I follow what's mostly on the bottom part of this pyramid, I generally have little episodes or I am more immune from catching a cold, for example.

A sample of a food pyramind

Sticking to a healthy diet isn't always easy because...who doesn't like eating rich, flavorful, high-calorie food? They taste the best!

I don't believe in deprivation diets, when you're forced to give up good-tasting food because all that calorie and cholesterol is supposed to make your body lethargic, older and less healthier. With that in mind, I've resorted to eating what I want, while committing to be disciplined in doing portion control.

HAHA. Discipline. Committing. Portion Control. Who am I kidding?

My version of portion control? Hardly involves a "well-balanced" meal. Sometimes, I would end up eating 5 to 6 helpings of turon (with lots and lots of brown sugar!) in one sitting (because FRUIT IS GOOD), while totally ignoring rice the rest of the day (CARBS? BAAAD!). And then I make up for it by eating lots of spinach for the week. (Because, apparently when you're becoming older, spinach can cure everything from skin and hair problems to cancer.) Only, I like my spinach overflowing cheese..and dairy is good coz it's rich in calcium, yes?

This brings me to this infographic posted on Nestle Fitnesse Philippines Facebook page on portion control. It's supposed to help avoid over-eating. Which is fine and good, except that no one seems to have any violent reactions on what's being recommended here.

Like, how can I enjoy what I eat when I'm only allowed a thumbful of cheese?! And I've got small hands...meat just bigger than my palm? THAT IS CRAZY!

No one also seems to mind that this infogaphic originally came from a site called Model Eats, where, I would assume, having a size 4 frame would be considered fat. The author, however, does have a gorgeous bod...so, maybe she is doing something right and I should just suck it up and stick with the diet.

Are you struggling with eating right? Got any tip?

The Story of Menstruation, as told Disney style

You got 10 minutes to spare? Coz that's how long this video is.

Produced by Disney in 1946 in collaboration with Kotex, this video was a part of a sex education campaign in America and was shown at public schools.

It's not the greatest animation Disney has done because I got bored by it after two minutes. It's pretty straight-forward. Clinical even. The standard music used and voice of the old lady talking in the video made me sleepy. But considering this was released in the 40's, there's not a lot to expect.

If this was created in this decade (or century), obviously, this video would be loaded with computer animation and Disney princesses would be singing and dancing all around, the same way you see women in napkin or tampon commercials move about, when they're not even worrying about menstrual cramps and migraines!

Note that the cartoon baby in the first few minutes of this video looks like she's already wearing make-up. Like so:

This is a 25-year old baby. 

But the script is quite amusing!

"Not only can you bathe...you SHOULD bathe!"

Where did her boobies go??

"Just be careful to avoid either very hot water or very cold water. In fact, it's not a good idea at anytime to shock your system with extremes." DUUUUUH. LOL!

This lady is taking a bath under a hail storm. 

"Try not to get yourself off-schedule by getting overtired, emotionally upset, or catching cold." 
"After all no matter how you feel, you have to live with people. You have to live with yourself too."
HAHA. Does Disney know us women really well, or what??

Menstruation = drama queen. FACT.

You can watch the complete video here:

Life In Plastic, It's Fantastic?

I confess, I haven't been Barbie-educated in 25 or so years.

Because I've only been buying toys for little boys --- owing to the fact that I don't have a daughter; or that ALL my godchildren are boys (not my choice, it just happened!) --- I had no idea that the amount of multi-cultural versions of her one can find at stores these days, is enough to create a small, United Nations of 12-inch tall women. Or the doll version of a Miss Universe pageant.

Lately though, my one and only 5-year old niece has taken interest in Barbie and would prefer these dolls as gifts. Checking online for what type I could pick for her, it dawned on me that making just a single Barbie purchase is stressful!

I've been so clueless about the number of things Barbie's career and personal life have evolved into. The bitch apparently became an astronaut, was once a hacker, switched species to become a mermaid, and tried public service by ascending into the Presidency, no less. These she did while dealing with cancer and apparently a divorce, which turned out to be untrue.

What the?!

The Barbie I used to know only had wordly stuff to deal with like wardrobe choices, or living in a house with make-shift furniture. Or this:

Photo from Flickr

But, creatively so, Barbie's plastic-fantastic life has hit a lot of lows and highs than reality can handle.

So, when did Barbie's life get so complicated? And why does Mattel assume it's what little girls are looking for?

Have you gone Barbie shopping for your daughter or niece, only to find that you cannot pick which one to get because of the amount of Barbie choices laid before you?

Best Disclaimer Ever!

There's this status post going around on Facebook that lets you copy and paste a statement against the site's privacy violation. Its context: since Facebook has gone public, whatever you put there can be made public without your knowledge. And Facebook doing so apparently violates certain laws that were set in place, like, since the time of the Romans.

Or something like that.

I don't know anymore. The statement going viral has all this legal jargon that sounds really confusing to me. And it also reads like a very official, very grown-up statement, so I get why some of my friends have resorted to copy-pasting it.

Here's the thing though: the only way you can protect yourself and your privacy is if you actually stop using Facebook altogether. You can't claim Facebook breached terms of your privacy when the act of signing up for an account means you do acknowledge opening your soul to the site.

This guy said it best. You've got to love the irony:

Ironic Facebok Status

Conan O' Brien wrote his disclaimer, too. Seriously cracked me up:

Conan O' Brien's take on Facebook Privacy status

A couple of years since being on Facebook, I also grew paranoid of the thought that "liking" Fan Pages means giving its admin(s) the access to harvest my personal information. At that time, I've liked and "become a fan" of about 500+ different stuff. Believing that page admins can peek into my account even if they are not remotely connected to my own circle (ie: friends of friends), I spent a chunk of the day "unliking" these. So paranoid was I, that I made the effort to "clean" my profile.

Since running my own Fan Page on the site, however, I've realized that all that? Is a bunch of BS! And that the day I spent cleaning my account was actually a day wasted. I could never get that back.

There is, in fact, no way for people to look into your personal Facebook profile if you are not connected, page or group administrators included. And even if you are connected to some degrees, I've come to realize that Facebook's privacy settings is, get this --- FULLY CUSTOMIZABLE! It's most intact and safest to use. Meaning, you can keep information from prying eyes, stalkers, advertisers and terrorists disguised as friends.

Wait, that may not be 100% true. I don't work Facebook's backend, so I don't really know what it's like to have access to 800Million accounts (and growing!).

But I've been on the site since 2007 and:

• No one has come to my house to bother my family, based only on the fact that they know my birthdate and the college I went to.
• No authority has come to arrest me. I could not be arrested for posting my sentiments or status post about why my son has not texted back while in the mall with friends, right?
• No one has approached me to say I'm in their demographic and that maybe I should purchase their latest can opener inventions. 
• No one has called at ungodly hours to confirm "what's on my mind?" 
• No one has attempted to hack into my account and steal my photos. Maybe I haven't been posting raunchy stuff enough?
• No one has stolen my identity using various facets of what I've been oversharing on Facebook, like my childhood. Or my lunch last week.

And while it's true that Facebook has my soul since I'm on that site virtually 24/7 that I think they should pay me for being a diligent user , the bottomline is this:  I am the ONLY person responsible for what I put on the interwebs. And if my privacy has been violated, it's because I wasn't vigilant and careful about it in the first place.

The original status post that has been going around:

Viral Facebook status that's a hoax.

Also, worth a read: That Facebook Copyright Thing Is Meaningless and You Should Stop Sharing It

What's your take on this whole privacy issue with Facebook? Are there reasons why we should be afraid of it?

Something Hello Kitty Fans Will Squeal About

The same way cats make a lot of noise when they're hovering by our fences, I'm pretty sure fans of Hello Kitty everywhere will squeal when they see this.

I'm not much of a Hello Kitty fan, although being into it can be contagious. I'm more into My Melody, but I did let out a tiny "wheee!" when I found these on UK shopping site, Zatchel:

These come at roughly Php 7,000 to Php 9,000 without shipping cost and they are limited edition releases only.

I used to have such a bad case of lemming for satchels handbags. But I'm over that now, thank god! I'm just looking at these coz they are such eye-candies!

RetailGasm

Black Friday shoppers
Photo from Huffington Post

Before consumerism became a lifestyle, the only time I ever got to hear the words "Black Friday" was during Holy Week. But that hasn't been the case the in last three years or so.

In America, Black Friday is synonymous with huge discount shopping, which only happens once in a year. Enterprising companies put out and slash price tags way, way down, tempting a mad dash of people who are hoping to score great deals. This, for them, is officially the start of Christmas. Yet even with the exasperating crowd situation, where there's actual danger of interchanging faces with somebody, more and more people seem to come to the stores to experience the, uhm, orgy.

If Filipinos wake up at dawn to observe 16 days of Simbang Gabi tradition during the holidays, Americans stay up late into the night after Thanksgiving, to stand outside the store, sometimes in the cold, so that they could get first dibs on items they normally won't buy at its regular prices. Some sectors are actually complaining that Black Friday takes away the spirit of the holiday before it. People forego having the traditional Thanksgiving dinner with their families in order to be at the lines, as stores open at exactly 12 midnight or earlier. Store clerks, meanwhile, skip the Thanksgiving feast altogether to man their areas and prepare for the madness.

Here in the Philippines, some do get to experience Black Friday by conveniently shopping at online US stores. It's essentially like cheating away from the crowd and crazies. However, local brick and mortar stores are slowly adapting into this Western tradition by setting up their own Thanksgiving sale. Now this? Is total madness! And it's obviously a marketing ploy because the price cuts are not even significant. Only, when people see the word SALE sprawled across the merchandise, it's so easy to get them to bite into it. It's pathetic business practice, I hope other stores won't consider getting into next year (hah!).

I pride myself with being a bargain hunter, but I can never understand the joy of shopping when this is what you have to enjoy it with:

Photo from Google Images

What are the chances of snagging that item you've been eyeing, now at 80% off, when you have to brave this sea of people?

Shopaholics need their retail therapy. I understand this because, like the occasional fever and fatigue, I also have my bouts with the "disease". There is, however, a different kind of disease plaguing consumers during Black Friday and there are studies to back it up (imagine that!):

• New research reveals the reason why we shop on Black Friday
• Professors study psychology behind love for Black Friday
• Black Friday and Cyber Monday: Understanding Consumer Intentions on Two Major Shopping Days

Retail stores are, no doubt, more than happy to be the root cause of this.

Is Black Friday shopping even worth it?

Have you tried being in the crowd during Black Friday? What was the experience like?

Icing On the Cake

Who would imagine a fairy tale wedding like this could still happen in 2012?

Carmina ties knot with Zoren in surprise wedding | via the Inquirer

I'm normally not a fan of lavish showbiz wedding ceremonies, or weddings in general. But the one Zoren gifted his bride and partner of 12 years trumps any high profile weddings I've seen of late. He's set the bar for the men, alright.

Photo from: WedSpeak
(I like this candid shot, btw!)

Meanwhile, women everywhere in these islands will never forget this wedding. And when spoken about it several years down the line, I'm pretty sure it will still elicit a collective swoon and sigh from the female population.

These men, however, don't get it:

As it is, it's tough to keep a relationship going for 12 years. Tougher still, when you are working in the entertainment industry and when there are kids involved. Normally, the odds are against the relationship surviving, right? So, to see this man pour all his efforts into pulling this wedding caper; to see the couple behave like the actual newly-weds that they should've been a decade ago, is so admirable.

What women saw was not just about romance. This was a celebration of real love and committment; of a relationship that thrives despite the odds.

The fairy tale wedding, really, was just the icing on the cake. Beautifully planned and executed as it was.

Back To Basics

I'm in another transition. And it has been happening for over a month. A wave of uncertainty has rocked my comfort zone. It's not like I couldn't do something about it. It isn't crippling. But transitions like this one, to a person who normally loves structure and routines and to someone who is used to overthinking every.single.thing? It's quite unsettling.

I've had sleepless nights thinking about stuff that only seem to escalate my anxiety. These thoughts start out harmlessly, but they almost always end up in death.

"What are my options?"
"Would I be able to do this?"
"What do I want?"
"Maybe I need to take a break?"
"If I take a break I might miss out on something."
"I guess a break isn't so bad."
"I could shop for new shoes!"
"Do I really need to spend on a new pair?"
"Maybe I should use that money to pay more bills."
"Bills...when will these end?"
"I will die paying bills."
"OMG! What if I die tomorrow?"
"My mind is exploding! Will someone please hold my hand???"

Talking about my dilemma among a few close friends, however, made me realize I've been agonizing over what others may call as #firstworldproblems. (Yes, mandatory hashtag included!)

In the course of figuring out what I should do next, I came across this quote, which currently serves as my daily mantra:

"In order to attract more of the blessings that life has to offer, you must truly appreciate what you already have..."

Transitions...changes...these don't necessarily mean losses. It took me a while to realize that I didn't really lose anything. I was holding on to something that, on hindsight, wasn't supposed to be a permanent deal. I just wasn't ready to let go of it at that time.

But in "losing" that, I actually gained something. Like, more time for my personal growth (naks!) and more options to get my groove back. Only, right now, I still don't know how to deal with all of it.

To start the ball rolling, however, I created this blog to motivate me.

Back to basics. Back to blogging. As in really blogging old school style. About stuff I'd like to voice out for. About stuff that actually matter in real life conversations.

Hopefully, this isn't going to be just a distraction. I seriously want to create something from this and I've already set up a plan. So, I'm taking the first step. Hold my hand, will you?