A Letter to My Son Who Will Soon Head To College

Dear son,

Remember the first time you went to school? You were so excited to be there! You were still wary of strangers, which is why I had to sit with you through the whole class. EVERYDAY. Until school was over. But when it was time to recite poems, or sing your favorite nursery rhymes, you did not care for anyone in that room... and you just went at it.

My boy's first day of school.
This was in the Summer of 2000 and he was 2 and a half years old.

First class photo. He is that kid with the goofy smile, sitting in the middle.
So happy to be in school!

None of your teachers understood the words coming out of your mouth. You couldn't even say your name right then. (Teacher: What's your name? My son: Tan-Tan!) But you were the most enthusiastic little person to be learning in that room. Your summer playschool teachers wanted you back in class by June.

Last night, you proudly told me that you saw your name on the university's list, the school most people could only dream about getting into.

While I was discussing your college options, with you standing there and towering over me now, three things suddenly hit me: 1) how much you've changed over the years, 2) you're really a big boy now, 3) you could be meeting your future wife in that university. Guess which one bothered me the most? (We will discuss that for another time!)

I clearly remember your very first time in school, dear. That was one of my proudest moments.

But over the years, as you learned to be on your own, I no longer have these little milestones inscribed in memory --- of who you sat next to in school, or if you still ever eagerly raised your hand to answer the teacher's questions.

These days, you are in school a lot doing projects and activities with your peers. You're in competitions, you're in study groups, you're holding meetings, you're out socializing with your friends. And while you tell me your classmates usually choose you as leader, I have never really seen you in action.  I don't know what you're like when you're doing all these things.

All I see now is a tall and lanky kid, sometimes tired and beat from doing school work, that I usually scold you about waking up early and prepared for another school morning.

And now here it is...

College.

While talking it over with you last night, I sensed confidence, but with a hint of anxiousness. You worry about  how tough it will be. Or if you can measure up. You worry about making the right choices.

You're charting your life and I'm a bit nostalgic about you taking this leap.  I wish to return to that day when, on your very first day of school, I carried you in my arms from your classroom. I wish I could tell you I could sit in your college classes with you. EVERYDAY. Until school is over.

But we both know that all I can really do is to sit back and let you figure out what you can do. I'm struggling about guiding you, while taking a huge step aside and letting you do this on your own.

You are many things... and some things I still harp you about on improving, like learning to clean your messy, messy room without my prodding.

But you are, and have always been, an achiever. Even if you sometimes doubt what you can do,  to me you'll remain that eager little boy who wowed the teachers on his very first day of school.

I love you, kid.

I am the proudest and most grateful to have you.

Love,
Mommy