A Letter to My Son Who Will Soon Head To College

Dear son,

Remember the first time you went to school? You were so excited to be there! You were still wary of strangers, which is why I had to sit with you through the whole class. EVERYDAY. Until school was over. But when it was time to recite poems, or sing your favorite nursery rhymes, you did not care for anyone in that room... and you just went at it.

My boy's first day of school.
This was in the Summer of 2000 and he was 2 and a half years old.

First class photo. He is that kid with the goofy smile, sitting in the middle.
So happy to be in school!

None of your teachers understood the words coming out of your mouth. You couldn't even say your name right then. (Teacher: What's your name? My son: Tan-Tan!) But you were the most enthusiastic little person to be learning in that room. Your summer playschool teachers wanted you back in class by June.

Last night, you proudly told me that you saw your name on the university's list, the school most people could only dream about getting into.

While I was discussing your college options, with you standing there and towering over me now, three things suddenly hit me: 1) how much you've changed over the years, 2) you're really a big boy now, 3) you could be meeting your future wife in that university. Guess which one bothered me the most? (We will discuss that for another time!)

I clearly remember your very first time in school, dear. That was one of my proudest moments.

But over the years, as you learned to be on your own, I no longer have these little milestones inscribed in memory --- of who you sat next to in school, or if you still ever eagerly raised your hand to answer the teacher's questions.

These days, you are in school a lot doing projects and activities with your peers. You're in competitions, you're in study groups, you're holding meetings, you're out socializing with your friends. And while you tell me your classmates usually choose you as leader, I have never really seen you in action.  I don't know what you're like when you're doing all these things.

All I see now is a tall and lanky kid, sometimes tired and beat from doing school work, that I usually scold you about waking up early and prepared for another school morning.

And now here it is...

College.

While talking it over with you last night, I sensed confidence, but with a hint of anxiousness. You worry about  how tough it will be. Or if you can measure up. You worry about making the right choices.

You're charting your life and I'm a bit nostalgic about you taking this leap.  I wish to return to that day when, on your very first day of school, I carried you in my arms from your classroom. I wish I could tell you I could sit in your college classes with you. EVERYDAY. Until school is over.

But we both know that all I can really do is to sit back and let you figure out what you can do. I'm struggling about guiding you, while taking a huge step aside and letting you do this on your own.

You are many things... and some things I still harp you about on improving, like learning to clean your messy, messy room without my prodding.

But you are, and have always been, an achiever. Even if you sometimes doubt what you can do,  to me you'll remain that eager little boy who wowed the teachers on his very first day of school.

I love you, kid.

I am the proudest and most grateful to have you.

Love,
Mommy

Positivity Challenge: January 2013 Update

One month is up and this is how that Positivity Challenge is turning out for me.

I purposely didn't count the number of notes I've put in. But I cannot believe I've been doing this everyday! I also haven't been counting the amount of money I've saved up in the last 31 days doing this challenge. That, and reading the notes (of course!),  I'll reserve for the end of the year. (Suspense!)

But now I'm thinking maybe I should count the money early because.... what if someone thinks of taking stuff from this canister and I wouldn't know how much I've lost? And when I say "someone", by the way, I actually mean ME!

If you've been following how this started, I was supposed to put this in a clear glass jar. But I decided against it because I didn't want to be tempted, seeing I've got loose bills in a jar somewhere. I know I wouldn't be able to save, thus failing part of the challenge. So far, the sealed tin canister is working because I haven't been taking anything out (like money I'm not actually seeing!)

Only...because I don't usually notice the canister there, I sometimes forget to write down my note until ten minutes into bed and I'm already comfortable sleeping. I've had many nights where I had to literally jump up from sleep because I forgot to write down my note. I guess, this isn't called a "challenge" if not for those days, huh?

Anyway, this is the first time I've done something I started at New Year's that I've actually kept going for a month. Normally, I'd have already slacked by the 2nd week. (I should note this down and put in the canister!)

Because I've been inspired about accomplishing something, I'm thinking of another challenge to take up to see how far I'll go next month. Maybe a weight loss challenge?  There's something called a FebFast that's happening in Australia. It's supposed to be the opposite of October Fest. But since I don't drink alcohol, I'm thinking of going cold turkey on SWEETS for a month.....And I say this after gorging 5 eclairs in one sitting! How about that?! I've already failed. (FTR, I cannot give up sweets, I'm not THAT crazy and obsessive yet, okay?!)

Anyway, did you do the positivity challenge? How are you doing so far?

Sleeping Together

There is this study done by a relationship psychologist in the UK that outlines a couple's relationship status based on the way they sleep together.  It has always bothered me why scientists have to spend $$$ on useless studies like these,  even if they are funded by corporations. But when a woman has to sleep in a "in star fish position with man hanging off the bed", I don't think any couple needs scientific proof that something is wrong with the relationship. Right?

First of all...star fish position while sleeping? How does one do that? Would you have to stretch both your arms and legs all the way? I don't know about you but I prefer to curl my body in a ball when I sleep. Starfish position just sounds uncomfortable. And stiff.

Secondly, I have this insane image of my partner "hanging off the bed"... like he's falling off a cliff. The image is not soothing. It's comical. And I cannot sleep with an image like that because it's just too funny.

Here's what the study found out, in brief:

Click on this ^ photo for a bigger resolution
From Daily UK

Just curious...where does yours fall? And does it confirm something about your relationship?

Unfortunately, this study doesn't have any data on sleeping with dogs on the bed. I wonder what scientists have to say when we sleep with our backs to each other, while cuddling our favorite dogs separately...

2013 New Year's Goals To Keep. Good Luck to Me!

I suck at keeping New Year's resolutions and I guess this is true for many people. How many do you know stick by theirs by the end of the year? I'd like to think that many of us fail because, in most cases, New Year's Resolutions aren't keepable.

The list? It's great to put them down on paper at the beginning of the year because the list gives a semblance of order, of having life "together". Who wouldn't want to start feeling this during the first few days?

But when it comes to actually putting that list into action? Admit it, most of us tend to fall off the wagon. We go back to old habits, perhaps thinking, "What's one day less? There's 364 more days left. I can start that diet TOMORROW."

I gave up making resolutions years ago.

But recently, a friend online shared to me her list and I was inspired by it. She didn't have grand goals and projects to keep for the rest of the year. Get into gardening, write a novel or learn a new language? Those were not on her list. Most of what's in it are quite realistic and doable goals. They were as simple as reminding herself to apply SPF regularly, or add more color to her wardrobe.

That's it.

Nothing ambitious. Not Mission Impossible. But the improvements to the quality of her life? Definite!

And I suppose, that's what resolutions are for, right? To make life easier and stress-free.

It took me eight days to come up with my own list of doable goals this year. I struggled because it was hard to make a distinction when there are so many really simple stuff around me I can easily take for granted and secondly, there were challenges I'd like to take up so that I'd feel I've accomplished big things and big deals. (Nerd!)

So my list? It's a mix of both. But it is without resolutions like: lose weight, or save money, or travel more and see the world. Because, really? Who am I kidding?

Anyway, here are goals I'd like to do this year. Both the easy and not-so-easy:

✔ Always charge the mobile phone every night, so that I don't lose battery  power in the middle of the day, or when I'm out of the house and I need to get hold of someone.

✔ Always bring a list to the supermaket, so that I wouldn't succumb to impulse-buying, which I've been really guilty of last year.

✔ Don't be too quick about deleting files on the Hard Drive. The HD has plenty of space. It's not gonna break down if I take even half of that space. I might regret cleaning it up too quickly, when there is a file I'd like to access. Like today (looking for that darn file.... :P).

✔ Get mani-pedi 2x a month, which basically means I have to cut down on this and have started doing so during the holidays, in fact.

✔ Buy nail polish less. I was doing the math yesterday (Hah! Like I can "do math" when I suck at it!). There are 52 weeks in a year. If I only get 2 mani-pedis in a month, that means, I only get to use 26 or fewer colors. Why would I need 100 different polish bottles?

✔ Always wear accessories when I go out. The necklaces in particular. I have collected quite a handful. I realize that most of them? I only got to use once and then they're stashed away in the box. What's the point of having all these when they're in the box? Some women keep their good china to use only during special parties. I keep my accessories. Not anymore, this year. I resolve to use every single piece of accessory I own as often as I can.

✔ Get more plain white shirts. Because they work well with the accessories, with no fail.

✔ Shop for classic, timeless clothes. Do not become a victim of any trend. (Aztec print? Uhm, no.) I need to remind myself I'm turning 40 this year. While I really like wearing something like these photo examples of dresses to bits (and that my closet is currently full of it), I should be more inclined to wear something closer to my age now and hold the cutesy florals, laces, pinks and ruffles a notch down. (A pity because I just spotted this really colorful floral dress online!) This also means I should pick out safer choices for shoes. Which means I have to stop lemming for pink flats with huge bows, or stop shopping at the Kids' Section. Remember: I'm gonna be 40, not 4!

No more of these...

Pretty things...

✔ On a more serious note, I would like to ease up on Social Media this year and not get too excited clicking the "Share" button. Not every public outburst by some unknown person, who may just happen to be experiencing a bad day, is news-worthy. I could be condemning a guy for going ballistic in a viral video today...and then someone close to me could be starring in another viral video the next day. So, imploring the laws of Karma, I won't be clicking the share button for someone's major, major "Amalayer" outburst hoping Karma catches on what I've been doing, and does not get me or people close to me on Youtube. "Dear Karma, I'm not sharing that video...so, please spare me and the people I love from being on any video, too."

✔ This is a tall order and I may stand to fail at this but...I would like to eat at McDonald's (and similar fast-food chains) LESS.  It's all this "Health is Wealth" bullshit  that comes with aging. And I'm a Virgo health-nut, can you blame me?  I'm mourning for the fries, that is the truth. But I haven't had McDonald's fries (or any fries actually!) since the holidays, I hope to continue the streak. For the rest of the year, if possible. *fingers crossed*

Do you have your own list of goals to keep for this year? Let me have a look!

Challenge Extended: Positivity 2013, Will You Accept?

In college, someone once said to me that she always liked that I had so much "positivity". I didn't know what she meant back then. Did I giggle a lot in class? Was I overbearingly complimenting every thing I see? "Positivity" didn't used to have so much meaning back then because being 18, it was fairly easy to coast through the challenges life had to throw.

On the last few days of 2008, I went through one tough challenge. It felt like ten truckloads of ice were dumped on me. I faced New Year 2009, and several months after that, feeling my world ended and the future was bleak and ugly. My battle scars from that challenge remain, but these hardly bother me now. I know I got through fine because I went through a period of soul-searching and finally understood what "being positive" meant.

I found resiliency I didn't know I had in me that other challenges I've faced since then are usually settled with me feeling unfazed and unruffled. Positivity made me reasonably stronger and focused.  And I've become a firm believer of "shaping your life for the better, if you constantly think happy thoughts."

This isn't to say that I had to live in delusion and denial during those tough times. I could write something about that in the future, but for now, with the year ending and 2013 merely hours away, I'm posting this challenge to anyone who will accept:

I found this bit in one of the self-help/happiness pages I subcribe to on Facebook and I know that this may seem fairly easy to do...in the beginning. But, you know, what have we got to lose by doing this? I think it's a good way to motivate people.

To make it more fun, I proposed to a couple of friends to throw in a few hundred bucks each time we put a note in our jar. So that, by the end of the year, we'd have little money saved up to use...for whatever. (Shopping money, wheee!)

I'm actually very excited to do mine, that  the possibility of me slacking with this activity by the middle of the year, is something I'm trying not to get into. (POSITIVE THOUGHTS, dude!)

I didn't get an empty jar per se. Instead, I am making use of this old canister... coz I like that it has PRETTY FLOWERS.  And I'm gonna have to put that as one of my first notes! See? I'm starting with something positive already!

So, are you up for the challenge? I'm gonna be checking back in a couple of months for progress! Deal?

This Downtime is Brought To You By...

I haven't blogged in three days! Guess I'll just have to throw this "goal to blog every weekeday" out of the window.

Most people are taking a holiday break now. I'm actually on break most weekdays. My to-do list is pretty empty, save for a couple of manageable deadlines and routine housework (the life of a WAHM!).

I think I'm finally getting the rhythm back with new schedules and stuff to do, especially after that unexpected transition last month that came with a few hitches thereafter.

So, this is how it's gonna be now.

I'm taking it all in.

Thus, the downtime.

Be back in a few...

Reflections on the Newtown Tragedy

Yesterday, I woke up knowing that the world is a lot less safe. We all did.

We woke up to a world where 20 innocent children, between the ages of 6 and 7, will never get to celebrate Christmas in Newtown, Connecticut.  Their parents will never get to hug them anymore, or see them grow up to be who there were supposed to be.

As a mom, it's very hard to imagine what these kids' parents will have to face for the rest of their lives. As a human being, it's difficult to process how someone can do a heartless and brutal thing like that.

Within minutes after the news broke, the issue on gun ownership in America is once again raised. Numbers and statistics are argued upon, proving or disproving the (constitutional) "right to bear arms" in the land of the free.

I won't pretend I know what their laws about guns are in the US, nor get into its long and painful history. There have been plenty of solid arguments, for and against the phrase you've probably heard a lot of since yesterday: "Guns don't kill people. People kill people." 

But I think that more than gun ownership and its acquisition, there are far bigger issues to this in that  ----  there is a need to change the attitude towards gun ownership and it relates to one's attitute towards aggression. And that change in attitude? It actually begins at home...

• When we teach our children to learn how to handle disapointments, anger and frustration.
• When we teach our children how to relate and understand what these feelings are.
• When we teach our children the consequences of resorting to violence. 
• When we acknowledge our children with love and recognition, especially when they are not behaving their best. 

Society evolves and so some laws must change.  This is why there are people pushing for stricter laws to buying guns, believing that this can help minimize mass killings and deaths.

But the children? With or without these laws set, they will continue to be overwhelming exposed to different types of what's wrong with the world today. They will see violence in the media. They will deal with their own failures and dissatisfaction. They will be confronted with the challenges of life.  This goes back to an earlier post I've made on becoming resilient in light of the many disappointments we all encounter.  And I believe that the best way to protect our children from getting in harm's way, doing harm and causing harm...is in educating and guiding them.

Without proper rearing especially during childhood, an adult can unpredictably snap and may find himself holding a weapon ---- a gun, a knife or his bare hands --- and committing an act of terror. A study on human behavior outlined something like this, in trying to understand why people end up doing the unfathomable.

This is not to disregard that gun control isn't the problem, because it really is. But this Newtown tragedy is something many parents, like me, can learn from. And the way I see it is that it really comes back to the basic: a parenting issue.